A change of direction…

I can only apologise for the amount of time I have been absent from my blog.  I needed to take some time away from running. My hip injury took a vast amount out of me both physically and mentally.  Not being able to run left a vast gaping hole in my life- I didn’t know what to do with myself and I was distressed and unhappy.  I knew I needed to gain some perspective again, I swam, went to spinning classes, learned spanish and went back to acting.  I felt happier.  I think I also realised that running had become too much of an obsession in my life, probably to make up for the fact I am pretty unhappy with my work situation at the moment (but that is another story for a wholly different type of blog!). I resumed running around July time (after a full 2/3 months of total rest), I then went to Central America for the whole of August and didn’t run much and its only now that i’ve felt happy to blog again.

I started this blog because I wanted to run a good for age time in the London marathon currently a sub 3:45 time.   I’ve picked up numerous injuries since my journey started at the beginning of 2013 and to be honest it hasn’t been a happy journey.  I’ve spent as much time injured as i’ve spent running.  My hip injury was the scariest for me, I look back on it now and can’t believe that I ran and raced on an injury that was so severe that I was waking up in the night because of the pain, was in pain constantly and couldn’t do normal things (without pain) that we take for granted. I have spent £100s on physios and reading up about injuries.  I have had enough!

One of my physios is Wes Duncan, he trained with and was the physiotherapist of Kelly Holmes.  From the first time he saw me he told me that I had the build and muscular structure of a middle distance runner and asked me why I wasn’t still doing middle distance and instead trying to do marathons.  I was very resistant to the idea of going back to middle distance at first (loads of people run marathons, I thought, why can’t I?) but taking time out from running made me reassess things.  I realised that I simply don’t enjoy really long runs, I know some runners love training for a marathon, I love it when i’ve got to the end of a marathon and any runs over 13 miles I simply don’t enjoy – at all.  I have no inherent talent for endurance running and I realised that I just wanted to be fast.

I carry a lot of psychological baggage about running around with me – I used to run 1500m in less than 5 minutes, that is only 100m less than a mile and yet my current mile PB is 6:50.8 hmmmmmm.  I have a lot of hang ups about running, I had a lot of pride about being able to run fast and a huge amount of fear about coming last.  Everything has changed now but its hard to let go of every way you used to think about running.

For me, I am really disappointed that I never gave running 100% when I was younger.  My sub 5 1500m came off the back of little to no training.  I was constantly encouraged to take running more seriously and train with an external running club, but I didn’t.  I was worried about being the slowest there.  Little did I know that the people beating me at County Championships were training.  I will never know how good I might have been and that is pretty frustrating.  I really don’t mean to sound boastful but in many areas of my life I am somewhat of an overachiever.  I went to Oxford University, I got a first class degree, I then did my masters and got a distinction in that and law school after that blah blah blah.  But for running, I’ve never given it 100% and so I still have a hunger to know what might happen if I did.  I have to know, so I will try to give my very best and see what happens – what does my very best look like?

I have decided to focus on running the 5 and 10k distance.  Its a lot longer than 800m and 1500m but a lot shorter than a marathon.  I need to lose weight.  I was approximately three stones lighter when I was running the 1500m so quickly.  Therefore, I am currently trying to run the same times wearing a three stone backpack, not too surprising then that its not happening.  I will also blog about my weightloss journey.


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